Why It Is
by Zigzag92
Summary: After the fierce battles in Tokyo, the Teen Titans have come out on top. But that's the least of Raven's thoughts. Her mind wanders into thoughts of Robin and Starfire's new relationship, which can only lead to lots of confusion. RaeRob


**Chapter One: Thoughts**

It started to rain. Good. This way, if I did cry, no one would be able to tell. I just stood there, watching them kiss. Starfire and Robin, a match made in Heaven. . . I guess. I always knew this would happen. We all did; Cyborg, Beast Boy, and I. Even our fans back in America knew it. I tried my best not to think on it a lot, knowing it would only give me mixed emotions. Not that I was supposed to listen to my emotions anyway. The bottom line was that it was inevitable. So, why was did I feel so hurt? After all, they were two of my greatest friends in the world. Hooray, hooray; I should be happy for them. But I wasn't. I just wasn't.

This trip to Tokyo. . . The frightening battle. . . It only brought those two closer. I know I shouldn't have, but the whole time, I was hoping that Robin's burning desire to cease crime would get in the way of their relationship. But I was wrong. He realized how much it had interfered in the past, and stopped to smell the roses. . . And kiss "the girl of his dreams". Isn't that how they refer to the beautiful girls who always get the handsome boys? I can still hear Malchior's voice ringing in my mind, ". . . And a lock of hair from a beautiful girl." I should've known from then on that he was lying. I'm just what people think of me: a creepy goth with social problems. I bet if I had long, flowing, red hair, shining emerald eyes, and a bubbly personality, Robin would be kissing me instead of her.

And the smile I gave him. That smile encouraged him to chase after her. Why did I smile? Besides the fact that we had just defeated one of our most challenging villains ever, I regretted even curling my lips into a sign of bliss. It helped no one but them. And even after this same thought raced through my mind as a cruel repetition, I kept that same smile on my face. I guess I had to though. If I didn't want anyone to notice the hurt in my eyes, I had to keep smiling.

"Well, it's about time," Cyborg said, folding his arms in satisfaction.

_Yeah_, I thought. _I guess it was._

The night of the awards ceremony, we stayed in a large and fancy hotel in one of the busiest parts of Tokyo. We were going to stay in the city for two more days to take some time as tourists to Cyborg and Beast Boy's delight. I didn't mind much. Either way, Starfire and Robin were going out on a date for dinner.

While Cyborg was shoveling down sushi at the all-you-can-eat buffet down the street, Beast Boy was signing autographs to his fan girls outside, and Starfire and Robin were eating supper somewhere romantic and beautiful, I was in my suite of the hotel, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. My friends were probably having a blast right now, and I could be enjoying myself too, but when I made even the smallest effort to try, I would only end up in that same place on my bed wondering why I couldn't have fun. In the end, my final conclusion was that I had too much on my mind, and the only way to clear my head was to sit down and think about it.

I tried my best to tell myself that the night before held so many life-threatening events that it was normal for me to be a bit shaken at the moment. But I knew better. I knew it was something about Robin and Starfire. Yet, even if I did come down to admitting this, I couldn't figure out why. Why was I so preoccupied by their relationship? Why did I want to see Robin away from Starfire so much? Why couldn't I get them off my mind? Saying these questions out loud only made me sound utterly inept. I knew only too well what my problem was, but if I had actually admitted to myself why all these things were bothering me, I would only be given more troubles to try and bear.

Okay, so deep down I did know what the problem was, but now I had some desire to go over my reasons for having these thoughts. Well, that wasn't too hard. For one, Robin has been the only one who truly understood my feelings and reasons for being who I am. He has always respected my need for space and privacy, and at the same time, he also spent a part of his time actually worrying about me and believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. That meant the world to me that he cared so much. I never really had anyone who worked so hard to try and save me.

But wait. . .

A hollow feeling in my gut was telling me that he didn't do all that he did for me. When Trigon came to conquer the world, he seemed so determined, always right behind. But that was his job, wasn't it? Was that why he cared so much? It was just his job. He didn't do it for me; he did it because no one else would. And what about Slade? I winced. That must have been the reason why he was so determined. If it involved Slade, he would have at it one hundred ten percent and beyond. It never was about me, was it?

My eyes closed. I think that was enough thought on the subject for the night.

At 9:48 PM, a gentle rapping came from my door. I sat up in a sitting position on my bed and pretended to be watching the gory anime show that was on TV.

"It's unlocked!" I said.

The door opened to reveal Boy Wonder's masked face.

"Hey," he said with a small smile.

"Hey," I echoed, not looking from the television screen.

"Just wanted to say good night," he said. "You going to bed soon?"

"I guess." I used every ounce of strength in me to seem like I couldn't care less if he existed or not.

He raised an eyebrow. "Penny for your thoughts?"

_It'll take a lot more than a penny._

"It's nothing," I said.

He didn't seem satisfied, but took the subject no further. "I found a bookstore downtown today that I think you might like. You wanna go with me tomorrow?"

"You sure your girlfriend won't mind?" I asked without thinking.

"What?"

"Sure, I'll go."

I felt his suspicion grew by his mere presence.

"Well, good night," he said before shutting the door.

It wasn't until after the door closed that I realized how awkward it would be tomorrow when we it would be just the two of us in a bookstore in the middle of Tokyo. Forget the locals and everyone else who would be surrounding us; we were going to be alone together. I blushed at the thought.

I crawled into my bed that night with the weight of a thousand worlds on my shoulders and enough thoughts on my mind to haunt me for the rest of my sleep.

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**Author's Note: Inspiration to start this fan fiction came from the ever-haunting events of Trouble In Tokyo. I decided to do it from Raven's perspective to give more insight to the internal conflicts of the story. Can't guarantee when the next chapter will be finished, but I'll be working on it.**


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